‘Communication skills’ probably sounds like a category on your elementary school report card, but it is definitely still relevant today in your adult life. Communication is often the root of a lot of problems we face. Mastering the art of effective communication will allow you to work through so many issues you encounter. It will greatly assist you in managing life’s risks. The benefits can be seen at a daily level as well as within personal relationships. I’ll review key factors in communicating with others and more importantly, with ourselves.
Communication with others
Assumptions
The risk we take when we do not participate in effective communication, or even no communication, with others is that we allow ourselves to develop assumptions. If we do not have the thorough conversation necessary, we will begin to assume. This could occur after some communication occurs, but you may have additional questions or concerns. When you don’t follow up on this, you take the minimal communication exchanged and assume what it means in it’s entirety. Some may not even bother to participate in any communication because the topic at hand is assumed already. And as the common expression goes- you know what happens when you assume.
Fear of Response
Another risk we encounter when we avoid communication with others is fear of the possible response. Your mind begins to wander with all of the options of what the other person’s response may be. Although it’s good you aren’t just assuming, you can become consumed with the ‘what if’s’. Initiate the conversation to find out what their response truly is, it’s probably not as bad as you thought.
Stay Calm
Do your best to communicate in a calm state. When emotions are heavily involved it’s easy for words to come out that you did not truly mean. Use techniques to get you to your calm state. Go for a walk, deep breaths, meditate or simply wait until the emotions have faded some, prior to having the conversation. Your words are powerful. Do your best to use them for good.
Patience
Have patience as you communicate. Listening to the person you are communicating with is just as important as expressing your thoughts and feelings to them. This takes patience and a sense of calmness to truly listen to what they are telling you. Literally tell yourself, ‘stop talking and listen’. They are telling you this for a reason.
Gain clarity
“Conciseness of expression is of the greatest assistance in mastering any subject” (The Sermon on the Mount). Or as Kevin Hart would say – “Say it with your chest”. Clearly state what you are meaning to get across. At times, we may beat around the bush and the message we are trying to provide is not correctly received. Also, if someone is communicating with you, and you are not understanding, let them know. Ask for clarification. Clarity in your communication is critical.
Communication with yourself.
Your Thoughts
“A belief is just a thought that you keep thinking” Arceliz, the Latina investor. I already mentioned how powerful words are. This also applies to the words you repeat in your mind. Be mindful not to allow negative thoughts to turn into beliefs. Pay attention to what you tell yourself throughout the day and put a stop to those negative thoughts. Quit beating yourself up. The world is tough enough. Work at turning those negative thoughts into positive ones. “Positive and negative emotions cannot occupy the mind at the same time” (Think and Grow Rich). I like this quote because it makes it almost tangible. Push negative thoughts out by formulating positive ones and only allowing those to flow in.
Affirmations
“Every feature of life is a manifestation/expression of something in my soul” (The sermon on the mount). I just recently started writing affirmations down. If you are wondering, an affirmation is simply a thought of encouragement. I know throughout my life I affirmed countless things. It’s important to believe in yourself. Use affirmations by writing them down, say them to yourself quietly or out loud. This simple step will get your mind focused on that positive thought. If you use an affirmation combined with repetition, you will keep that focus to be able to clearly communicate the next steps in achieving that thought.
Gratitude
Another way to increase your positivity is to think of, or write down, what you are grateful for. I recently started doing this daily. There are so many things to have gratitude over. It’s easy for us to get hung up on the negative things occurring. It’s refreshing to take note of all of the good.
Intuition
Let your intuition lead you. Listen to yourself. You have control of your mindset. The decisions that come to you are being told to you for a reason. As a risk manager, I am still working on this balance. It is difficult for me not to analyze and assess every factor or risk that could impact my decisions. Some thought and analysis is important, even necessary. However, if you are hearing your own thoughts strongly and confidently, follow that.
Each communication factor I discussed is relatively simple. When you break each one down individually it seems even easy to accomplish. But we are human, and we will make mistakes. We will assume incorrectly, we will avoid necessary conversations, we will say things that are hurtful, we will allow negative thoughts in, we will ignore our own thoughts when we should follow. And that is ok. We are not perfect. It’s a good thing communicating with others and ourselves happens all day, every day. Plenty of time for practice. Plenty of opportunity to try again.
Talk to you soon!